Relationships Paper Draft

     Many people base their happiness on the relationships they build throughout their lives.  Although a lot of people can lead happy lives, many of them feel that what they have is not enough. There are many people who go through life thinking that they need someone to complete them. Some people make themselves believe that being romantically involved with somebody will bring them long term happiness, not realizing that all relationships are not easy, nor necessary to find that great feeling they search so hard for. There are so many other ways in which we can obtain the same happiness that we would get from being in a romantic relationship, such as work, or relationships with family and friends. Therefore, people do not need to be in a romantic relationship to be happy. Singles can be just as happy, or happier, than those who are in relationships, or even those who are married.
     One big issue among many single people, especially women, is that they believe that they need someone there to give them the love they long for so that they can be happy. Often they go around looking at other couples, and see them as happy and somehow wish that they could be in that position. Women often suffer a lot internally because they lack a man in their life. They get jealous of those who are in relationships, and even struggle with their own self-esteem because of it. They walk around feeling low, thinking something is really wrong with them, when in reality the only thing that’s wrong, is the fact that they have their mind set on the idea that finding a partner is something that they really need. “There is no other topic that is written about more (in poetry, fiction, or nonfiction) or discussed more (in cafes, schools, online, or on the couch) than romantic love-the passionate attachment between two people. There is also no other topic as deeply misunderstood.” (Ben-Shahar). These couples, that these women see as happy, may not even be as happy as they seem. Relationships are very complicated, and people don’t think about that side when they jump in them. They also confuse the idea of wanting a relationship with believing that they actually need one.     
     Anne Becker expresses, in her article, the ideas that married people are not happier than singles. Many people devote their time, and energy, to finding someone who they feel will make them happy. They do many things like go on blind dates, internet dating sites, or even go out to social events in hopes of finding “Mr. or Mrs. Right.” The biggest mistake they all make is not realizing that being in a relationship is not the main road to happiness. “Getting married is not necessarily the key to achieving eternal bliss. Most people were no more satisfied with life after marriage than they were prior to marriage…” (Ben-Shahar). There are so many single people who are just as happy, or even happier, than those who are married, or romantically involved with somebody else. In the Sunday Times, an article shows that “Single people questioned about their lifestyles said that a busy working life created opportunities for greater self-esteem and 83 per cent said that having a good career was more important for single people than those who were married or cohabiting.” It is proven that many single people feel it is more important to have a set career, than to get married. A lot of people also believe that getting married, does not necessarily bring you a long term state of happiness. “Results conclusively showed that though people react strongly to events such as marriage, they return to their personal ‘set point of happiness’ after a certain period of time.” (Becker). If we somehow return to our original state of happiness, why do single people believe so strongly in their minds, that a relationship, or marriage, will make them happier? The fact that the excitement of marriage doesn’t last as long, is also an example of how we believe something will make us happier than it really does, also known as the “impact bias”, mentioned in Jon Gertner’s article.
     Other relationships, like those with your family and friends, can be very essential to being happy as well, but many are blinded but the idea of finding love, that we forget who we already have around us. A lot of people tend to take their loved ones for granted because they feel like they’re always going to be around for them. People look so hard for relationships and when they don’t work out, we go to our friends or family to comfort us. Why do we feel like these romantic relationships will make us happier, when, in all reality, our friends and family are the ones who make us feel better when things go wrong? If it weren’t for these other relationships, when we go through a break up, we wouldn’t have anybody to turn to. “Without friendship, Aristotle writes, no happiness is possible.” (Ben-Shahar).  In all reality, everyone needs someone who is going to always gives us that support, but we can’t always depend on a boy/girlfriend to always be that person for us. One article shows how single women actually have better friendships than those who are married, because they have more time to spend with their loved ones. “You have better friendships. Significant others are a wonderful thing, no doubt, but friends count, too. And on that front, one study found that, when women get married and have children, they spend much less time with their friends-less than five hours a week, down from 14 hours. Singles, however, often have the greatest sense of friendship and community-which can actually decrease stress levels, according to researchers at UCLA.” (Women: Better Off Being Married or Single?).
     Being in a romantic relationship is not a bad thing. If the opportunity comes along and you meet someone worthy of your time, take a chance. Many people can get married and be very happy, however, a relationship is not something that is definitely needed for happiness. People do not need to put in so much time in to trying to find that perfect someone for them. Sometimes when people try extra hard to find a relationship in order to be happy, they miss out on a lot of other great things. People have other ways of getting that satisfaction that they want to feel, from work or friendships. Romantic relationships can come and go, but your true loved ones will always be there. We need to stop devoting our time trying to find things to make us happy, and appreciate all of the things we already have.